“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ~ Mark Twain.
So, I am writing down, and I believe this is quite personal to me. And all the opinions are my own.
Sayang? I’ve used to work as an engineer in a Japan factory, back in Sungai Petani, Kedah. That is where I’ve met my husband. And to actually quit the job and move to Shah Alam, I can only say, it was really hard, because I was really enjoying my job at that time. Life was really easy back then.
And my second job, was a government officer. Do I really enjoy my job? I think so. But I’ve enjoyed my first job much more, because of the freedom that I’ve get at that time. I can go back on time, as long as I’ve finished my job on time as well. And I did not have any issue with any of my bosses at that time. I do get to voice out my opinions from time to time.
Back to my second job. It was a totally different environment. I have staff under my orders. Oh wow, that must be good right? Nope. I have my own cubicle, and have a bit of privacy. That must be also good, since my old office’s space was an open space, where people can see what you open / read on your computer. Nope. I don’t know, but, I actually do not enjoy having my own space. That is so weird.
The truth is, I am no longer have the heart to work there. I have to wake up early every morning, really damn early, as early as 4.00 in the morning, just to get ready, and to get my little angel ready. I have to go out from home by 6.30 / 6.45 in the morning, just to avoid the traffic jam. And I’ve cried every single morning, every time I send my little angel to his nursery, because I think it is too early for the little angel to wake up and be apart from me.
And I know, I am not alone in this matter. There are a lot of working mothers out there who are going out as early as after Subuh, to their work places.
And I really do hate traffic jams. I hate it so much, that there are times, that I’ve cried when I am thinking about my little angel who is waiting for me to pick him up from his nursery.
I wasn’t that happy. And people always told me that, what is happiness has got to do with the job? You just have to work. That’s all. Earn the money and just sit down diam-diam. Kerja elok-elok and just shut up.
But, what I hate the most, is I have to do the extra jobs. Oh my. I hate working late. I hate when I am no longer in control of my life. I’ve earned enough, I think, but along the way it’s no longer enough. I hate to admit that, I have no longer have the control. And I’ve said to myself. THAT’S IT!
I’ve asked myself back then, way before I’ve met this business, “Apa salah I yang I have to live like this, and simply just not enough?”
I hate that I have no control over my financial, and I hate that I don;t have enough time for my children, even for myself. I was tired, and later on, I was so exhausted. I’ve called my husband and I kept on crying. Until my husband had enough of the crying, and said, “Yana quit jer la, and biaq Abang tanggung Yana,”
At that point, I think I was happy when he said that, but part of me feel guilty that he has to support me. Of course, it is a husband’s responsibility to support their family, but deep down inside, I’ve started to calculate what is my monthly commitment. And I know, my husband is struggling as well.
So, I’ve started to find alternative jobs, or any other opportunities that I can stay at home, take good care of my children, while earning enough money to support my family.
And that was where I’ve met now-mentor’s blog, and after that, you know what happened.
So, if you ask me, “Tak sayang ker berhenti kerja?” Sayang. Memang sayang. All the benefits that they provide. I know I can’t get anywhere else.
But in return, I’ve gained control of my life. and I am finally have the courage to say that I am IN A LOT OF CONTROL OF MY OWN FINANCIAL. I have finally can decide what income that I want on monthly basis through this business, and I just have to work for it. I can have a lot more, and I have to work a lot harder, but, somehow, I have my time that I want to spend with my children. I have no longer to deal with traffic jams, only when I have to meet up with clients, but, I can decide the time and place to meet. So yes, that’s a bonus for me.
So, it’s now about sayang or not, it’s about whether it’s worth it or not. There a re lots of people out there, who wasted most of their times, doing what they hate the most, only to find their passion later. Sometimes, when they are no longer have the energy, because of their old age. And I do not want to become just like that. No offend to those who love their jobs, who love working 9-5, no offend. Continue what you like and love. It’s your life.
I don;t want to waste any of my time, doing something that I am no longer have the heart for it. Life is so short to be wasted like that. And to all people who are currently in the same situations that I was before, I can only say, it’s your life, and you have the choice. Choose wisely and do your best!
I am not saying that this business is easy, but for me, it’s worth it.
And in the end of the day, believe in Allah’s plan for you.