This year, 2019, would be our 11th-year marriage anniversary.
And, apa yang Mama belajar sepanjang 11 tahun Mama berkahwin dengan Ayah?
There is no such thing as perfect marriage.
If you’ve ever crossed somewhere online (any social media platforms, Instagram, Facebook) about perfect couples, happy families, perfect marriages, well, you can always believe those. But, always remember this, kesempurnaan hanya milik Allah S.W.T. And these perfect couples, hanya show apa yang mereka mahu tunjuk kepada public. Behind the scenes, Wallahu’alam.
So, if you are married, and you are still struggling, it’s okay. It’s part of the process. Trust me.
In my part, I’ve gotten to know my husband, and decided to marry him, all within in the same year. So, yes, I’ve started to learn more about my husband after marrying him.
Was it horrible? Was it a disaster?
Technically, no. But, emotionally, it can be pretty overwhelmed when you are starting to get to know your husband, when only he became your husband. What he likes? What he dislikes? What are his pet-peeves? And you are trying your very best to be the perfect wife, while you aren’t one.
That’s it. I’m not the perfect wife. And so is my husband. He’s not the perfect husband. We aren’t perfect.
So, you see, in marriages, husband and wife have their own weaknesses and strengths. Which probably you’ll start to know after marrying to each other. Because sometimes, you need your partner to point out your strengths and weaknesses. Then only, you’ll realize and acknowledge them.
Some of the tips that I can share while working on your marriage are:
Always lower your ego and apologize when you are wrong.
I know, this is the hardest part. At least for me. Sometimes, in arguments, I know I am wrong, but, it wasn’t easy to acknowledge it. So, when I’ve started to lower down my ego and apologize, things become easier. After all, there are so many other things to do other than holding onto your ego. And my husband, he’s the cool one. Patient and kindness has always been instilled within him. So, it’s up to me to lower down my ego and stop being so angry and bitter. Just lower down my ego and admit that I am wrong.
After all, being able to apologize and admit that I am wrong doesn’t make me weaker. It’s one of my strongest point.
Toleransi. Give and take.
Especially in taking care our children and doing house chores. When both of you are working, it’s hard to be a good parents and at the same time, to be a good husband / wife. But, we always try to give and take.
While I am working from home right now, I still need to do house chores such as cooking for breakfasts, lunches and dinners, and keeping our home clean. But, when my husband is back from his work, he would take turn in doing the laundry and cleaning the dishes after dinners.
So, always give and take. Don’t push everything onto only one person. There’s only so much for one person can take. So, don’t push everything. Help each other. Sekurang-kurangnya, penat bersama-sama…:)
Don’t compare. Jangan tengok orang lain.
In this social media era, it’s easy to compare our marriages with other marriages out there. Our husbands with other husbands out there. And we compare ourselves with other wives out there. As I’ve said before, there’s no such thing as perfect marriages, perfect husbands and perfect wife.
Tidak perlu compare. Our husbands are the best for us. Jodoh yang terbaik untuk kita. Semua pun Allah atur yang terbaik dan elok untuk kita. Believe in that.
And we are the best wives to them. Jodoh dan perkahwinan, semua Allah sudah rancang untuk kita. Believe in Allah’s planning. And whatever cabaran dan dugaan, hadap sama-sama. Insya Allah, lama-lama, kita akan rasa, happy sangat dengan perkahwinan kita. Kita enjoy tengok muka husband kita. Kita rasa tenang sangat. Insya Allah.
Kita tidak tahu apa struggle orang lain. So, that’s why, tidak perlu kita compare perkahwinan kita dengan orang lain. Apa yang Allah bagi pada kita, itulah yang terbaik untuk kita. Apa-apa pun, sentiasalah ikut apa perintah Allah dan jangan buat apa yang Allah larang. Kita sama-sama jaga Allah, Allah akan jaga keluarga kita, perkahwinan kita dan diri kita.
So, itu adalah beberapa tips Mama. Mama pun masih banyak lagi yang perlu belajar dalam perkahwinan ini. So, sama-sama lah kita belajar.
Mama doakan, semoga you all semua, sentiasa dirahmati Allah selalu. Semoga perkahwinan kekal sehingga ke Jannah.