One time, I did feel suffocated. That’s the reason why.
It hasn’t been a year since I’ve moved to Padang Serai, Kedah, and up until now, my heart is content. And I barely remember the life when I was still living in Shah Alam.
I sat down with my husband, talking and listening to each other. And I’ve said to my husband, “Yana dah tak ingat dah macam mana Yana puasa (ketika di bulan Ramadhan) sambil jaga Syahir dan Inas (ketika masih hidup berjauhan dengan my husband).” It’s the truth. I barely remember the details. Perhaps, I’ve just forgotten about it, and I don’t want to remember it?
When I was still living in Shah Alam, my business is good. Not that I am saying that my business is bad here in Padang Serai. But, I’ve never been that happy. I still have my family in Shah Alam. But, I wasn’t happy. One time, when there was too much pressure (in business and life), I did feel suffocated. I’ve missed my husband, and I want my family to be together.
We’ve been living away from each other from the beginning of our marriage, and up to one point, I felt tired. I got frustrated. My husband has been trying to get himself transferred to Shah Alam / Kuala Lumpur, but luck has never been at his side. He tried almost everything. And every time he told me he still didn’t get any position in Shah Alam / Kuala Lumpur, I literally cried.
People say, berdoa. And I’ve prayed and prayed. Until one morning, after performing tahajjud prayer, I’ve said to myself, “That’s it.” If he would never get transferred to Shah Alam / Kedah, then, I will transfer myself to Kedah.
It wasn’t an easy decision. Mainly because it’s my business. The weekly class is in Kuala Lumpur. Most of my business partners are currently living in Kuala Lumpur / Selangor. What would happen to my business? Would I be a selfish person if I move?
There’s a limit for a person can hold together within herself. And my limit was up. I’m no longer happy, I’ve cried almost single day, and I’ve felt stressed. The money was good, but, my heart was never content.
And now, in Padang Serai, if you ask me, do I regret of moving to Padang Serai? I don’t think I am regretting anything. Of course there are pros and cons. You cannot get everything in your life. Seperti kata Ustaz, “Apabila kita mula mahu mencapai yang lebih besar, Allah akan tarik sesuatu dari kita,” Why? Just to remind us that we are always His slave. Just a mere Slave to the Almighty.
Getting rich is good. But getting rich would never guarantee your happiness. Ustaz selalu pesan, “Duit banyak mana pun tetap akan habis. Kalau tak habis sekarang, later pun akan habis. Tetapi, kebahagiaan yang hakiki hanya kita akan capai apabila hati kita hanya mengingati Allah. Apabila kita mula merasa tenang.”
Living in Padang Serai, tidak boleh dibandingkan dengan living in Shah Alam. While Shah Alam has almost everything, Padang Serai has little things. Tesco / Giant Supermarket would be almost 20 / 30 minutes away from us. So, I have to plan carefully if I want to buy groceries so that I don’t forget anything. We only do groceries shopping once a week (which is during the weekend). And if I crave something like Takoyaki or Onigiri, or even Nasi Dagang, kenalah tunggu balik Shah Alam, baru boleh beli….T_________T
Most of the times, I do miss my family. My parents. My crazy siblings. And of course, my business partners.
But the pros, I can attend weekly majlis ilmu agama, and visit my late father-in-law’s grave. I’m no longer wear make-up everyday, and I’ve started to cook almost everyday (Except for the weekend). I didn’t know that I actually have skill in cooking. Haha!
But overall, I am happy that my family is finally together. The fact that I can make a simple breakfast for my family every morning, and I can kiss my children before tucking them to bed every single night, make my heart at ease. And finally, when I can look at my husband’s face before sleeping and after waking up. Double haha!
I am still active in my business. I didn’t plan on stopping anytime soon. Because my business is my career. But now, I know what my principles are. Like what I have written in this entry before, I have different visions and missions.
I believe in the togetherness of a family. As long as you have your family, you can overcome everything. Dengan izin Allah. Even though there are people that are against your decisions, it’s your life after all. Make peace with yourself. Make peace with others. Let other people know what is important to you (if necessary), and do it. You will never know, until you’ve tried.
I was scared of joining this Premium Beautiful business, sebab takut tidak menjadi. But, I got myself to try. I was scared of myself if I move to Kedah, my business takkan berjalan. But I got myself to try. The more you try, the more you’ll accomplish things. Maybe not everything, but, the important things. So, get yourself to try, even though you still couldn’t see the outcome. If anything, just trust in Allah, because He always will be the best planner.
There you are. The reasons why I’ve moved, and somehow, why I love the moving. Alhamdulillah. I’ll see you guys in the next entry.